Should all of the Mets dye their hair blonde?

If you’ve been watching the Mets recently, you’ll see that our left side of the infield is looking significantly younger….At least in the hair department.

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Jose Reyes and Asdrubal “The ass man” Cabrera both dyed their hair blonde recently, which has led to a direct increase in their productivity. It makes you think that maybe there’s some sort of steroid in the hair dye that isn’t listed on MLB list of banned substances. I’m not saying I have any actual proof of this, but where there’s smoke there’s fire, no? So obviously the next thing you think is, “Has Jenrry Mejia tried this steroid yet?”, but also “let’s get everybody on the whole damn team to dye their hair. They could call it a team bonding thing. A weird baseball quirk down the stretch.” All the while they’re pumping some new form of HGH directly into the brain-stream. I’m not a “licensed medical professional”, but I know that if the Mets are  somehow, someway, going to take skeleton roster to the playoffs, somebody’s going to have to start making more hair steroids. Maybe we could set up a secret BALCO lab in the junk yards outside of CitiField. I highly doubt Rob Manfred will send guys sneaking around those lots. That’s how you end up in the east river. Anyway, I went to the liberty of giving you guys a first look at what the Mets will look like once they all start dyeing their hair with human growth hormone Just for Men.

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Didn’t think Big Sexy could get any sexier

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