Official statement from One Minute Sports HQ:
At approximately 11:30 last night, Ruben Tejada was attacked by a madman by the name of Chase Cameron Utley.
Utley was suspended by major league baseball a short time ago, and he’s expected to appeal, and win that appeal. Chase Utley will be coming to New York. Chase Utley will be coming to our house. Chase Utley will be coming for our ass. We will not let this happen. We’re coming for you Chase Utley. We’re coming for that ass.
I take no pleasure in saying this. Sometimes as Commander-in-Chief you have to make hard decisions. And the decision of whether or not to go to war is one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. However, we cannot stand by and let Chase Utley and the Dodgers get away with this. We have to stand together and fight. That is why, as President of One Minute Sports, I am declaring War on Chase Utley and the rest of Major League baseball
We will not rest and we will not stop until the World Series is ours.
Thank you, God bless the troops, and God bless the United States of America