US Soccer Coach Jurgen Klinsman Banned PB &J Sandwiches!!! What Kind of Tyrant Does This!


In his new autobiography, Everton and U.S. goalkeeper Tim Howard said Jurgen Klinsmann’s high-protein bars, yoga sessions and morning “empty stomach runs” made some on the 2014 U.S. World Cup team feel he “micromanaged them.”

“I’d spent my whole life eating PB&Js; somehow, under Jurgen, the sandwich morphed into a natural version of the staple that was practically unrecognizable … and to my taste buds, inedible,” 

Howard detailed cultural field trips “to inspire us as human beings,” the banning of cell phones from the locker room, early curfews, two-a-days, sometimes three-a-days and even a mandate as to what the players should wear in their spare time (“USA track suits to hang around hotel”).



How could Jurgen do this?!? He’s knows he’s the coach of the AMERICAN soccer team right. I know there are questions about my reign of terror here over my writers, but I always let my boys eat whatever type of sandwiches they want! Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches are what this country was founded on and god dammit if I’m going to sit Idly by and why this German duckweed ruin everything that is great about America!

And what is with letting Tim Howard go hungry??? That man is the only reason we were even remotely competitive in the last world cup and you’re letting him starve. If the man wants a sandwich Jurgen, you get him a god damn sandwich. Sure, Howard says that Klinsman was “micromanaging”, but taking rule over every detail of your life and ordering to eat what he wants you to eat and wear what he wants to to wear. That sounds a lot like a…..Dictator?



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