Yup, the Mets signed a 16 year old today- fuck my life



So yesterday I wrote about how crazy it was that a 19 year oold beat Rafael Nadal in the 4th round at Wimbledon. I said how the fact that this dude was the same age as me is going to force me to re-evaluate my whole life. Then, the mets go out and sign this guy who is 16 FUCKING YEARS OLD. I’m pretty sure the guy doesn’t even have pubes yet and now he’s playing minor league ball. This sent me from a little bit sad to straight up mentally depressed. What was I doing when I was 16? Well, let’s go through the list

  • I think I’d had a total of like 12 beers in my life
  • The only girls in my life existed on the internet
  • I had been retired from baseball for 2 years
  • I had $400 in my bank account
  • I was about 25 pound overweight

Now this dude is probably rolling in it. He slays the pussy all day every day in whatever 3rd world country that he’s from. He just made a shitload of money and doesn’t have to live in a place where toilets don’t exist. This man toddler gives absolutely no fucks. There’s one catch though, he has to play for the Mets. Sorry bud.

BTW: What are the Mets doing signing 16 year old’s? They can’t even get it right signing proven players in the off season, but think that they’ll nail this one on a guy who’s nuts haven’t even dropped yet. I can’t wait until this guy comes up in 10 years and is another painfully mediocre shortstop.

We’ve got Doogie howser at short



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